(Dear Myself, I hope all is in order and you, meaning I, are doing well. Regretfully, but not much so, it's taken this long to draft a porno. It has not occurred to me that this wonderful medium of animalistic expression is a spring of inspiration for any aspiring aesthete/writer/producer/soloist/loner/animal lover/INternet sensation.
Without further adieu, I giveth; Chef Peen.
[Background: Chef Pino Peen is a dutiful gastronome. At night he cooks artisanal pizzas, pastas and macaroni and cheese for his guest among other haute-Italian fare. Peen's simple existence of cooking and serving the hot product into hungry mouths is mired by only one conundrum; his pensive, David-esque, ivory good looks. His gastronomical creations were of the first order. Fine food for any foodie but they must have him. His graceful, composed body was the most delicious item a la carte.]
Scene: Peene's Sausage Restaurant. 11 p.m. The crowd thins as closing time approaches. It was busy for a Wednesday. Chef Pino Peen is in the kitchen. He's trying to make the perfect chorizo.
Chef Peen: Ahk! I'll never make the perfect chorizo. It's tasting the same to me. I must have a second opinion.
(He peeps into the restaurant. Only an elderly couple eating in the far corner and a young girl eating while reading a book)
Chef Peen: "Perfecto. I will go to the old couple." Seniors are forward and honest, Peen thought.
Chef Peen: Scuzzi, can you taste this chorizo and tell me if it's to your liking.
Old Couple? WHAT? SPEAK UP
Chef Peen: Can you please taste my chorizo and tell me if it's good.
Old Couple? WHAT? Take your shorts off?
Chef Peen couldn't communicate with the hearing-challenged couple and decided to ask his last patron, the bodacious red-head eating and reading by herself.
Chef Peen: Buonasera signorina, I am Chef Peen I am sorry to interrupt you during your leisure but I need your help.
Red-Head: Oh, wow I love your food. It's so mmm mmmm yummy. It's an orgasm, I mean pleasure to meet you. I am Cookie.
Chef Peen: Grazie! It's my pleasure to please such a pretty signorina with my cocking, eh-sorry how you say...cooking.
Cookie: Your artis-anal pizzas are my favorite. But they're a real enema for my firm figure. I can't stop though.
Chef Peen: Cookie, I need you to taste this chorizo and tell me how to make it better.
Cookie takes a small bite of the chorizo Chef Peen gives her.
Cookie: It's good. But I know which chorizo is mmmlicious and how to make it better.
Chef Peen: Oh! dimmi please.
Cookie: Oh, no you give me.
Cookie proceeds to unzip Peen's pants and eats his chorizo.
Cookie: And the secret ingredient to make this mmmlicious chorizo perfect is to add a cookie.
Chef Peen: Ahk! of course. Just add cookies.
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