*(Yeah that's right, it's occupatio, not a typo.)
1. Why am I about to come in your Isis? Several minutes from now I will ejaculate in your retina and surrounding areas. It may sting. But, there are no, I repeat, no long term effects. It must be done. For if eyes are the passageway toward the soul, I want my sperm children to be as close to your soul as possible. It's a connection thing.
2. It's late OK! That's why I just came now. Conan is about to come on and I want to watch the monologue.
3. I'll tell you why I ate all the cookies. I can't help it. I am addicted. It's who I am. I don't want to be this way. But, it's who I am. It's genetics, you know. I bare no control over my urges or actions. It's like one second I'm thinking about eating a cookie and the next I have three cookies in my hand. (Argument is replicable to excuse: who drank all the booze? where's all the toilet paper? who took all the medicine? etc.)
4. Why am I sleeping with your girlfriend? First, would you rather some stranger sleep with your girlfriend. That is insensitive and irresponsible. It's a jungle out there. A jungle of syphilis and herpes, mon ami. They, presumably men of forward thinking, say the fairer sex bores of one man's jing-aling quickly. Having learned this great fact, my nurturing nature remembered my friend is likely to contribute to the statistics. So, I did everything I had to do as hugely and quickly as possible.
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