Andy Borowitz began what is to be a long stream of "You Lie" jokes. Oh boy am I ready. Keep em coming. Here's another by the New Yorker Cartoon Lounge blog. A group of geniuses that blog on the most pertinent matters of today.
Tila Tequila got slapped or punched in the face by Shawn Marrion. Of course I remembered this after my Fantasy Draft and forgot to draft Marrion and Tila Tequila as defensive coordinator and cheerleader. And I've just received a transcript of a phone conversation Shawn Marrion and Chris Brown had shortly after the beating.
Chris Brown's cell phone rings thrice. Chris is serving out his parole in his hometown. He's napping while listening to Rhianna.
CB: ::yawn:: Hello, who this be?
SW: Chris! It's Shawn Marrion, oh Chris I'm pumped I've never been this full of life.
CB: ::completely awake::Wait, hold on, what's this number? What happened?!
SW: I'm in jail Chris. They gave me one phone call. It was between my lawyer or you. But I just had to tell you how right you were! Thank you man for enlightening me, showing me how to really live life. AHHH I'm fucking pumped yeeahhh:::slams phone into forehead several times:::
CB: Hold on dude, what'd you do?
SW: I slapped her Chris, slapped her nice and good. For no good reason too. You may have heard I'm dating famous MTV-whore Tila Tequila. Well, she was making pancakes right before I was goin to practice, I went up to her and smack.
CB: I told you!!!! I told you that shit is fun. Aint it better than sex?
SW: Yes and I was fucking a Doctor of Sex and it was still better!! You were right.
CB: Not one day goes by where I wished I would've slapped Rihanna some mo.
SW: Oh I feel you bro. I wished I would've done this better. No wonder these wife-beaters keep on doing it, just livin the dream. And I was thinking the women stay around so they must like it too!! Win-win baby.
CB: Who's the man?! say it Who's the man?!
SW: Oh you the man baby, you is.
Guard is heard saying time is up to SW
SW: Yo, Chris these fuckheads tryin to take the phone.
CB: Hey call me up when you get out we can go on a slappin spree.
SW: Oh fo sho!!
In the background: SW, "Oh you want the phone, I'll tackle yo ass, come here I ma sack you shitless.
Click.
These were just too good not to share:
This section of the Roundup "Signs of the Apocalypse," included these stories.
Women tracks down son she gave up for adoption and like any loving parents shows her love by the best way of showing said emotion, fucking him.
This kind of reverse Oedipus complex will have psychologist at work for years. Freud is probably turning in his grave having missed this case. This poor boy will cringe every time the "who was your first?" conversations comes up.
And this week winner of Fantastic Douchebag....
Glen Beck. And boy does he deserve it. You can YouTube Glen Beck idiot and spend a-many hours having fun. This is the latest stint of idiocy from Beck. BUT, what's worst is Nielsen ratings report he has the No.1 selling non-fiction book. I hope people are just buying in bulk to burn it during winter. It's scary to think such a magnificent idiot has influence.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Beck makes me want to commit suicide by KFC Double Down...(I can write a whole thesis on the gastronomical monster that is the Double Down. Atkins would've liked it.
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