Oscar De la Hoya (That's fun to type!) Vs. Taco-Bell Chihuahua (R.I.P)
We'll never know who's the best Mexican. That's both a pity and an oxymoron. Still, the Taco-Bell Chihuahua has a region of Mexico named after it. Mexican folk lore says Chihuahuas are decedents of the Aztec warriors, Gallos Bravos, and once they knew their fight against guns and viruses was futile, used black magic to convert themselves into little adorable doggies. Yet, although cute and tasty, Chihuahuas have warrior like attitudes as a testament to their heritage. So, assumptive point to Taco-Bell Chihuahua.
Any two blind boxers.
OK so this has a stint of cruelness. But, the blind want to be treated as badly as everyone else. Shouldn't they be able to (try) punch each other silly? Last time I checked, around two hours ago, this was America! And in America, most notably North America, anyone should have the right kick anyone's ass, at any time, for whatever reason. I believe it's in the Constitution. Article 11. Clause: Arbitrarily Kicking Ass.
Let's fulfill our Constitutional duty and get two blind people to (try) box each other to a stupor. We'll bathe them with different odors (pigs blood, skunk, Indian body odor) and let them sniff their way into ass kicking. Nine rounds, no gloves, no dogs..wait. Yes, dogs! As a side spectacle their dogs can fight till' death. Just the sinister subplot to spicy up an already beyond cruel idea from the abysses of my brain. Naturally, Michael Vick will be scheduled as referee.
Nude Women Tennis.
Women tennis is just one ploy away from being soft-core porn. Already with so much moaning, groans and jumping if you add nudity to the sport you get some classy soft-core porn. I'm excited about this, let's make it happen. One caveat: No Williams sisters/brothers. I'm not sure if they are women but best not to find out.
Americans, especially my dimwitted Southern neighbors, love em' some NASCAR. I've tied to understand the sport but just found there is nothing to understand. What you see is what you get. I'm guessing they loved to play with toy cars so much as children the love never really died. And that is truly a rare act of innocence in a dirty world. Nonetheless, let's make it fun. Each race car will be strapped with explosives so that if you stop (or crash) the car is made into shit (KABOOM), like Speed. :-) Well, I know what you're thinking "This can't end well, Andy!" I know, and that's the point.
Coach's game in the NFL.
Fingerless bowling/yo-yo-ing.
Gladiators. Sure. Let's bring them back.
Anorexic Sumo Wrestling
If it's fun in Japan to watch two morbidly obese people push each other out of a circle, the opposite must hold true. It's called the reciprocal standard.
Another Japanese game idea, actually this is a challenge: can they pose for a picture and not make a peace-sign? I say no, it cannot be done. At some point in their history, I believe during the Samurai eras, the peace sign became part of their genealogy. To the point it's automatic once they detect a camera in their vicinity. Or, maybe it has something to do with getting bombed with an H-Bomb? Hmmmm, unlikely. Do you think Japanese people cringe at the mention of the words Manhattan and project? Remember, loyal readership there are no stupid questions, except probably the ones I've asked.
More to come in Part2. Feel free to add.
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