I had a nightmare this morning. It was awful, I'm still shivering over it. I'm cold with fear and it's 90 degrees outside.
It was the 12th annual Webbie Awards. I was wearing a tweet jacket, smoking my wooden pipe and sporting a nice, comfy pair of loafers. I was a respected author, blogger, commentator by then and it was important to look the part. I was being nominated for best up-and-coming blogger, satirist, short-story writer, romance novelist, magazine editor and taxidermy investigator. It was all of my childhood dreams culminated into one little award. It was my night, the night, I and the rest of the world, would remember forever. The nominees were announced, the results were in and I was the winner. I wore a fluxed expression but inside I was composed as a turtle. I grabbed the Webbie, the spotlights shone bright and hot. I was beginning my dissertation and from nowhere pops in Kanye West. Before I had a chance to say hello, West spoke; "I'm sorry Andy, but Téddy had one of the best post of all time" "Téddy has the best blog post of all time."
I felt horrible and wanted to throw up. The thought of Kanye West upstaging me to embrace Téddy, who had in my dream added an accent to his name to appear exotic and provocative, was vile, inhumane and soul wrecking. Fortunately, I woke up and all is fine.


(Side note: has anyone read Kanye West's "blog." I glanced at it and I'm quite sure he doesn't know what an exclamation point is. He cannot possibly be that excited or surprised. There's an average of four to five exclamation points per sentence. That rivals the facebook comments of an 14-year-old girl writing on how much she loves Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers, sex...I don't know what kids are into. Side-side note:No one loves you, Miley, more than me. If you're reading this Ms. Cyrus, I love a self-made women. I know there's an age gap, but come on love, we can both benefit from it. You'll reap from my numerically higher life experience and I'll reap from your sweet, innocent vage which I presume is stuffed Disney stock notes. So just leave me a comment, I'll be waiting.)