Browsing through Wikipedia, the world's source for facts, there is a reoccurring trend in modern biographies. People are mainly pictured within the confines of work-related accomplishments. The highly cited being associated with blue-chip companies. Is this how we want to be remembered; as an attaché to a conglomerate? Well, not me. Life is bigger, and grander than working for Microsoft or IBM for 30 years. All biographies should be modeled as this:
Andy Pino, all around good guy and sheep herder, was born to a traditional, yet rare male Father and female Mother family. As a child he studied the classics before commencing to contemporary authors. When he was 5 years old he read most things that are available to read. In his teenage years he was pen pals with F. Scott Fitzgerald and Henry Bolingbroke, Duke of Lancaster. His proudest day was when he helped an elderly women cross a particularly wide street. He's developed theories on quantum physics, metaphysics,zoology and 10 easy steps on how to please your mate but all have been refuted by scholarly blowhards on the basis of being too correct.
The three things he cannot live with out are nitrogen, oxygen and the hydrogen. His favorite atomic number is 36. He practices all major religions diligently and it is widely believed he will be the first Jewish-Muslim-Buddhist Pontiff.
He cannot get enough of orange marmalade and passion fruit jam. Yums.
He is a holistic healer and could be seen preaching new-age medicines in late night infomercials.
Life magazines plans to name him Human of the Year from 2015-2025, which will coincide with his development of the first ever time machine.
In the weekends he plays professional football, basketball, baseball and in the winter months, curling.
He likes Italian food.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I'm Getting Close to Worshipping Google as a God
The Google God, Goog will save me the hassle of explaining girl's and boy' changing bodies and the like. I'll just show them these great little quotes they will surely appreciate.
or
and
or
and
Monday, September 28, 2009
To Catch A Predator International: Celebrity Edition
America's backwoods and swamps are no longer big enough for Chris Hanson and his Catch A Predator crew. TCAP mania has taken over Europe and soon Africa! Can't wait for that one.
In a new installment of To Catch A Celebrity Predator Chris Hanson honed his eagle predator-catching vision on filmmaker Roman Polanski.
That's right, not even international laws could stop Chris Hanson's southernly charms. Polanski fled to Europe many years ago after admitting to sexing (yeah that's right) a 13-year-old girl. At the moment Polanski is being held in a Zurich prison. We can only assume Chris Hanson is solely responsible for this historic capture. After all, Polanski has been living in Switzerland without disturbance. Several movie stars are calling for Polanski's release, which goes to show that sex with minors is OK if you are a successfull producer/screen writer. However, Hanson keeps fighting the good fight.
First the transcript of the online chats that coaxed this sassy old man into an empty Switzerland condo.
NautyPanski: Helo, how you are?
Decoy: Horny
NautyPanski: oo, how old you are?
Decoy: 15
NautyPanski: g2g,too old.
Decoy: jk!. I;m 13!
NautyPanski: ahh, 13 is my lucky number. And did you know 13 is the horniest number of them all?
Decoy: mmm. dat must explain why I'm so horny all the time.
Decoy: How old are u?
NautyPanski: eh, 44.
Decoy: wow...
NautyPanski: you know what's even more wowzers?
Decoy: wat????
NautyPanski: I'm legendary filmmaker Roman Panski
Decoy: wooowwww.coooollll!! we learned about you in film class.
Decoy: wait, you can't be 44. you made your most famous stuff in the 60s through 70s.
NautyPanski: err. I was a very young success. In fact I;m the youngest director, screen writer to win an Academy Award. I was only 15 when I wrote Chinatown. I wrote it in school bus.
Decoy: woo, so smarrttt.mmm
NautyPanski: and you know what's the best about the Academy Award?
Decoy:..nooo...what?!?
NautyPanski: Ever had an Oscar up your ass?
Decoy:lol...not that type of Oscar ;-)
NautyPanski: oh my...would you like to? do you want to see it on webcam?
Decoy: yaa if you want
In a new installment of To Catch A Celebrity Predator Chris Hanson honed his eagle predator-catching vision on filmmaker Roman Polanski.
That's right, not even international laws could stop Chris Hanson's southernly charms. Polanski fled to Europe many years ago after admitting to sexing (yeah that's right) a 13-year-old girl. At the moment Polanski is being held in a Zurich prison. We can only assume Chris Hanson is solely responsible for this historic capture. After all, Polanski has been living in Switzerland without disturbance. Several movie stars are calling for Polanski's release, which goes to show that sex with minors is OK if you are a successfull producer/screen writer. However, Hanson keeps fighting the good fight.
First the transcript of the online chats that coaxed this sassy old man into an empty Switzerland condo.
NautyPanski: Helo, how you are?
Decoy: Horny
NautyPanski: oo, how old you are?
Decoy: 15
NautyPanski: g2g,too old.
Decoy: jk!. I;m 13!
NautyPanski: ahh, 13 is my lucky number. And did you know 13 is the horniest number of them all?
Decoy: mmm. dat must explain why I'm so horny all the time.
Decoy: How old are u?
NautyPanski: eh, 44.
Decoy: wow...
NautyPanski: you know what's even more wowzers?
Decoy: wat????
NautyPanski: I'm legendary filmmaker Roman Panski
Decoy: wooowwww.coooollll!! we learned about you in film class.
Decoy: wait, you can't be 44. you made your most famous stuff in the 60s through 70s.
NautyPanski: err. I was a very young success. In fact I;m the youngest director, screen writer to win an Academy Award. I was only 15 when I wrote Chinatown. I wrote it in school bus.
Decoy: woo, so smarrttt.mmm
NautyPanski: and you know what's the best about the Academy Award?
Decoy:..nooo...what?!?
NautyPanski: Ever had an Oscar up your ass?
Decoy:lol...not that type of Oscar ;-)
NautyPanski: oh my...would you like to? do you want to see it on webcam?
Decoy: yaa if you want
A couple thoghts on the week....
*I am QB repellent. QBs that pass my graces fall ill or break their ribs. Unless you are Bret Favre who kills it when he's benched. Old people are unpredictable. I should have known better.
*UN is more fun to watch than three of my classes.
*Where was Gadaffi, Qadaffi, Kadaffi,whatever, all this time? Can you imagine a room with Kim Jong-il, Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Abdhenidijajddhfb, and Qaddafi? That would have to be one of the most insane, interesting conversations ever. I'd throw in the Governator.
*I discovered a new element for the periodic table. It's a mix of bacon fat dried over wet coffee beans. It looks like a deceased brown tail.
*UN is more fun to watch than three of my classes.
*Where was Gadaffi, Qadaffi, Kadaffi,whatever, all this time? Can you imagine a room with Kim Jong-il, Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Abdhenidijajddhfb, and Qaddafi? That would have to be one of the most insane, interesting conversations ever. I'd throw in the Governator.
*I discovered a new element for the periodic table. It's a mix of bacon fat dried over wet coffee beans. It looks like a deceased brown tail.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Best Free Fun, Deceit, lying
Next week Ricky Gervais will premiere his new film, "The Invention of Lying." Genius concept and it hits a subject humans as a whole are intertwined and truly cannot get enough of. Putting some thought into it, lying may be the world's favorite past time. You may consider yourself an honest person but you lie every day, if not to others to yourself. We deceive ourself into lies such as our dreams will come true, she/he loves me, the Asian/black baby is mine, clouds listen when spoken to, there's a fat baby looking after me, existence is not futile and on and on. Such guff. In fact lying has been around since Pangea. History has shown Johnny the Caveman lied to his buddy Barney about several unattended carcasses beyond the mountains. When Barney left, Johnny grabbed Barney's wife by the hair and dragged her all the way to what is now Canada. Where they spent a-many sizzling nights. Some believe deceit began with a snake telling Adam&Eve to eat the naughty apple, they complied and when the boss asked about his particularly juicy apple they lied. And once you start rolling with a lie its impossible to stop. So, that has snowballed into thousands of years of lying that keeps on rolling strong till' today. Thanks a lot Adam&Eve!
As it has been noted, we love lying. I certainly do, I lie all the time. Even when I don't have to, I do it to keep keen. Thus, the question arises why, after thousands of years (I presume we all believe in evolution) of knowing an inevitable truth; to be lied to and lying is certain, why do we care when it happens and why do we attempt to stop lying or not lie uncontrollably? OK, sure obvious answers are: it's wrong because our conscious stings when we do it or a book I read says it's wrong. But isn't that just trying to control an otherwise amazingly chaotic, fun, random situation? After all truth is relative, however, we do agree in core values and practices. Still, it's fun to think how fun, in an anarchic way, we'd be if lying was not called lying just merely blurbing things along without no need to provide evidence of its validity. I haven't seen many previews for the movie but I suspect for its sheer craziness and free will, it'll b entertaining to watch.
As it has been noted, we love lying. I certainly do, I lie all the time. Even when I don't have to, I do it to keep keen. Thus, the question arises why, after thousands of years (I presume we all believe in evolution) of knowing an inevitable truth; to be lied to and lying is certain, why do we care when it happens and why do we attempt to stop lying or not lie uncontrollably? OK, sure obvious answers are: it's wrong because our conscious stings when we do it or a book I read says it's wrong. But isn't that just trying to control an otherwise amazingly chaotic, fun, random situation? After all truth is relative, however, we do agree in core values and practices. Still, it's fun to think how fun, in an anarchic way, we'd be if lying was not called lying just merely blurbing things along without no need to provide evidence of its validity. I haven't seen many previews for the movie but I suspect for its sheer craziness and free will, it'll b entertaining to watch.
Recently political comedian Glen Beck sacrificed a poor little frog to demonstrate the false cliche of the boiling frog phenomena. However, as we found out on TV the phenomena falls flat and the sacrificial frog stays in what it thinks is probably a very hot pool.
That got me thinking, why not illustrate other cliches, adages, etc., with real life situations. Sure some animals would have to die, some babies will cry and senior citizen's sacrificed, but the visual effect will outweigh any consequences.
OK, I'll admit this post will be a mosaic of complete shit. I'm exhausted and need to stay awake for at least another 3 hours. This is like a less exciting version of Crank. A movie which I've never seen and morally opposed to. Where's some cocaine when you need it?
Halloween of course is the buzz word of the week. Being only over a month away, people are already thinking what latent fantasy they'd like fulfill. I have one great unfulfilled fantasy. I want to be an M&M. The color of the M&M is not important but a nicely rounded M&M will be key. The costume may create an ethical dilemma. Should I be able to be an M&Ms while I'm an M&M myself. Would that be cannibalism? Or, am I becoming more of an M&M by eating them.
zzz..zzz.. Other projected hot costumes this year: sheep herder, feminist, Wall Street executive, Tampon, a sneaker, a sock, sadness, a nipple.
That got me thinking, why not illustrate other cliches, adages, etc., with real life situations. Sure some animals would have to die, some babies will cry and senior citizen's sacrificed, but the visual effect will outweigh any consequences.
OK, I'll admit this post will be a mosaic of complete shit. I'm exhausted and need to stay awake for at least another 3 hours. This is like a less exciting version of Crank. A movie which I've never seen and morally opposed to. Where's some cocaine when you need it?
Halloween of course is the buzz word of the week. Being only over a month away, people are already thinking what latent fantasy they'd like fulfill. I have one great unfulfilled fantasy. I want to be an M&M. The color of the M&M is not important but a nicely rounded M&M will be key. The costume may create an ethical dilemma. Should I be able to be an M&Ms while I'm an M&M myself. Would that be cannibalism? Or, am I becoming more of an M&M by eating them.
zzz..zzz.. Other projected hot costumes this year: sheep herder, feminist, Wall Street executive, Tampon, a sneaker, a sock, sadness, a nipple.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
On Marriage
This might be a little anticipatory, however, marriage is around the bend for some of us . By historical standards we are past due by several years, especially you ladies out there. Or more acutely-lady, I know only of one women reader. Shout out to Christie.
To clear some of the fog surrounding the swamps of marriage (it could get murky and flat) l have called upon one of the greatest natural-science thinkers, Charles Darwin. Most know Darwin as the father of evolution, turtle lover, catty-sea Captain, and astute bird watcher. But most don't know old Charles was a hopeless romantic. The old dog couldn't help himself, he looovveeed the ladies, ooh yeah. Some call him his era's Barry White. And as such Darwin, as we all should, made a list of the pros and cons of marriage. Here's some:
Pros
Children
Constant companion (friend in old age) who will feel interested in one
Object to be beloved and played with. Better than a dog anyhow
Charms of music and female chit-chat
These things good for one’s health. Forced to visit and receive relations but terrible loss of time.
Cons
Freedom to go where one liked (presumably loss of)
Choice of Society and little of it (presumably loss of)
Conversation of clever men at clubs (presumably loss of)
Not forced to visit relatives and bend in every trifle
Expense and anxiety of children
Perhaps quarrelling
Loss of time
Cannot read in the evenings
Fatness and idleness
Anxiety and responsibility
Less money for books etc.
Perhaps my wife won’t like London; then the sentence is banishment and degradation into indolent, idle fool
Has there ever been a more true list of pros and cons about anything? The correct answer is no, there has not. Just looking ahead a bit I plan to use some of Darwin's pros and cons, I don't he'd mind, as part of my wedding vows to my unknown wife to be. I presume her name will be Matilda.
I, Andres Pino, take you, Matilda Grann, to be an object to be beloved and played with (better than a cat anyhow, sorry Jasmine) even though I'll be endangering my choice to go anywhere and the fancy of conversation of clever men at clubs. I take you my sweet lady, to charm me with music and female chit-chat which are things that are good for one's health. I take you to be my wife even at the expense of having to loose time, bend on trifles, no reading in the evenings, and fatness and idleness. And oh Matilda I'll be the happiest man if you bare my children, even though they are expensive and produce anxiety and I will have less money to buy books. I take you for and despite all these things to be my life's companion. End of vows Q.E.D.
If that doesn't prove true love nothing will.
For further insight the Delphic admonitions, the maxims that I live by, that are not outdated at all, demands in rule 95 (probably the most important maxim); Rule your wife. Indeed. Such veracious statements don't come around these days.
There are many ways to go about this, deserving of its own post, but here's a quickie; As you are starting your day look into your significant other's eyes and sweetly say "If you ever so much as think to cross me in anyway I will make sure you, nay generations of your lineage, will feel my wrath through unequivocal hate, pain and fear, babe. Now how about some coffee." Just part of the recipe for a successful marriage.
To clear some of the fog surrounding the swamps of marriage (it could get murky and flat) l have called upon one of the greatest natural-science thinkers, Charles Darwin. Most know Darwin as the father of evolution, turtle lover, catty-sea Captain, and astute bird watcher. But most don't know old Charles was a hopeless romantic. The old dog couldn't help himself, he looovveeed the ladies, ooh yeah. Some call him his era's Barry White. And as such Darwin, as we all should, made a list of the pros and cons of marriage. Here's some:
Pros
Children
Constant companion (friend in old age) who will feel interested in one
Object to be beloved and played with. Better than a dog anyhow
Charms of music and female chit-chat
These things good for one’s health. Forced to visit and receive relations but terrible loss of time.
Cons
Freedom to go where one liked (presumably loss of)
Choice of Society and little of it (presumably loss of)
Conversation of clever men at clubs (presumably loss of)
Not forced to visit relatives and bend in every trifle
Expense and anxiety of children
Perhaps quarrelling
Loss of time
Cannot read in the evenings
Fatness and idleness
Anxiety and responsibility
Less money for books etc.
Perhaps my wife won’t like London; then the sentence is banishment and degradation into indolent, idle fool
Has there ever been a more true list of pros and cons about anything? The correct answer is no, there has not. Just looking ahead a bit I plan to use some of Darwin's pros and cons, I don't he'd mind, as part of my wedding vows to my unknown wife to be. I presume her name will be Matilda.
I, Andres Pino, take you, Matilda Grann, to be an object to be beloved and played with (better than a cat anyhow, sorry Jasmine) even though I'll be endangering my choice to go anywhere and the fancy of conversation of clever men at clubs. I take you my sweet lady, to charm me with music and female chit-chat which are things that are good for one's health. I take you to be my wife even at the expense of having to loose time, bend on trifles, no reading in the evenings, and fatness and idleness. And oh Matilda I'll be the happiest man if you bare my children, even though they are expensive and produce anxiety and I will have less money to buy books. I take you for and despite all these things to be my life's companion. End of vows Q.E.D.
If that doesn't prove true love nothing will.
For further insight the Delphic admonitions, the maxims that I live by, that are not outdated at all, demands in rule 95 (probably the most important maxim); Rule your wife. Indeed. Such veracious statements don't come around these days.
There are many ways to go about this, deserving of its own post, but here's a quickie; As you are starting your day look into your significant other's eyes and sweetly say "If you ever so much as think to cross me in anyway I will make sure you, nay generations of your lineage, will feel my wrath through unequivocal hate, pain and fear, babe. Now how about some coffee." Just part of the recipe for a successful marriage.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I had a nightmare this morning. It was awful, I'm still shivering over it. I'm cold with fear and it's 90 degrees outside.
It was the 12th annual Webbie Awards. I was wearing a tweet jacket, smoking my wooden pipe and sporting a nice, comfy pair of loafers. I was a respected author, blogger, commentator by then and it was important to look the part. I was being nominated for best up-and-coming blogger, satirist, short-story writer, romance novelist, magazine editor and taxidermy investigator. It was all of my childhood dreams culminated into one little award. It was my night, the night, I and the rest of the world, would remember forever. The nominees were announced, the results were in and I was the winner. I wore a fluxed expression but inside I was composed as a turtle. I grabbed the Webbie, the spotlights shone bright and hot. I was beginning my dissertation and from nowhere pops in Kanye West. Before I had a chance to say hello, West spoke; "I'm sorry Andy, but Téddy had one of the best post of all time" "Téddy has the best blog post of all time."
I felt horrible and wanted to throw up. The thought of Kanye West upstaging me to embrace Téddy, who had in my dream added an accent to his name to appear exotic and provocative, was vile, inhumane and soul wrecking. Fortunately, I woke up and all is fine.
(Side note: has anyone read Kanye West's "blog." I glanced at it and I'm quite sure he doesn't know what an exclamation point is. He cannot possibly be that excited or surprised. There's an average of four to five exclamation points per sentence. That rivals the facebook comments of an 14-year-old girl writing on how much she loves Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers, sex...I don't know what kids are into. Side-side note:No one loves you, Miley, more than me. If you're reading this Ms. Cyrus, I love a self-made women. I know there's an age gap, but come on love, we can both benefit from it. You'll reap from my numerically higher life experience and I'll reap from your sweet, innocent vage which I presume is stuffed Disney stock notes. So just leave me a comment, I'll be waiting.)
It was the 12th annual Webbie Awards. I was wearing a tweet jacket, smoking my wooden pipe and sporting a nice, comfy pair of loafers. I was a respected author, blogger, commentator by then and it was important to look the part. I was being nominated for best up-and-coming blogger, satirist, short-story writer, romance novelist, magazine editor and taxidermy investigator. It was all of my childhood dreams culminated into one little award. It was my night, the night, I and the rest of the world, would remember forever. The nominees were announced, the results were in and I was the winner. I wore a fluxed expression but inside I was composed as a turtle. I grabbed the Webbie, the spotlights shone bright and hot. I was beginning my dissertation and from nowhere pops in Kanye West. Before I had a chance to say hello, West spoke; "I'm sorry Andy, but Téddy had one of the best post of all time" "Téddy has the best blog post of all time."
I felt horrible and wanted to throw up. The thought of Kanye West upstaging me to embrace Téddy, who had in my dream added an accent to his name to appear exotic and provocative, was vile, inhumane and soul wrecking. Fortunately, I woke up and all is fine.
(Side note: has anyone read Kanye West's "blog." I glanced at it and I'm quite sure he doesn't know what an exclamation point is. He cannot possibly be that excited or surprised. There's an average of four to five exclamation points per sentence. That rivals the facebook comments of an 14-year-old girl writing on how much she loves Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers, sex...I don't know what kids are into. Side-side note:No one loves you, Miley, more than me. If you're reading this Ms. Cyrus, I love a self-made women. I know there's an age gap, but come on love, we can both benefit from it. You'll reap from my numerically higher life experience and I'll reap from your sweet, innocent vage which I presume is stuffed Disney stock notes. So just leave me a comment, I'll be waiting.)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A Dirty, Dirty Fantasy
It's been one week of Fantasy Football and heads are rolling. Friends have become enemies, enemies have become lovers. I could talk about standings and prospective standings, numbers, etc. etc., viz., a viz., ipso facto, persona non grata, but that's all already on espn.com so what good would that do. Instead, here you'll find the juiciest happenings from around the league. First and most heartbreaking, Guantanamo PoniesRFun lost by 6 points to a far inferior team, Polos. (Mr. Serrano, owner of the Polos, named his team after his favorite type of shirt.) Sport columnist around the world are calling it the biggest upset in the history of organized sport. Millions were lost in the gambling world and several suicides resulted from the bitter lost. New Zealand and Turkey citizens took to the streets and overthrew their governments, attributing the hysteria to the PoniesRFun's defeat.
"After I saw them loose there really was no point in life, I'm just unequivocally angry," said Turkish design student, Mahmed Lentil.
Back in the U.S., coach, GM and starting QB for the Ponies, Pino, said it's just one game and while it hurts, I'm just thinking about next week.
"All coaches, regardless of status or game, have conditioned our brains to be able to think only about the upcoming game," he said. "It's physiologically impossible for me to think about or comment on anything beside the preparations for the next game."
"I would like to, really, but I've forgotten all the details all I can say is:"we'll put this behind us, go watch film, make the necessary changes during the week's practice and get ready for the next game."
Christie Z. (we believe the Z stands for Zebra) made several headlines this week. She argues the league has shown blatant sexism by paying her significantly less than the other coaches/GMs. "If something is not done quickly, I will sue the league for all its got!" Tis' true Mrs. Zebra makes $0 a year with no chance of bonuses.
Mrs. Zebra's claims raise concerns and the weekend edition of the newsletter will present an investigation into the league's sexist agenda. One could only imagine how it's like to be a woman in a man's Fantasy League. Mrs. Zebra has stated she has had to lower her voice by four octaves and stuff socks down her pants to feel as part of the team. Saddening stuff.
In other news, team Polo and and team Zebra are talking merger. Several owners have opposed the hypothetical merger, calling it a monopoly others say it's logically impossible. While the thought of Zebras wearing polos is an amusing one, the merger would create an Eastern powerhouse. Hence, tipping the scales of power and forcing the West to organize. Someone call Kissinger, this could get ugly. A summit is scheduled later this month, where the matter will hopefully be resolved.
Scandal Between the Hedges
The league is not only guilty of sexism but there are rumors of blackmail and corruption. An undercover informant tips that proud Miamian Teddy Sometheing or the other has blocked pending trades through bribes. The bribes include 50-inch plasma TVs, vintage pornos, rusty trombones, waterfront villas, and governmental appointments to the Senate and House of Representatives. This is not the first time Mr. Teddy has been caught in the midst of scandal and he is not remorseful. Some may even call him a career criminal. "I want AD and I will stop at nothing to get AD," Mr. Teddy said.
One could only assume his hostile campaign will not stop until all calendars are properly labeled with Anno Domini. Mr. Teddy has not commented as to why he eagerly wants to label calendars to Anno Domini and what connection it has to Fantasy Football. However, by fair presumption, Mr. Teddy's campaign is a strange one. He was probably much happier during B.C.E, when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
One of the victims caught in the crosshairs of Mr. Teddy's ambitions, Billy Salsy feels betrayed and depressed. The emotionally damaged owner said he has lost perspective on life and all trust in people. Mr. Salsy has taken a short vacation to piece together the broken menagerie that is his life. Records show he flew to St. Tropez with his adopted Kenyan boy and is expected back Friday.
In true French fashion, team Garcelle claimed an early victory Friday afternoon. After being reminded the games hadn't even started Mr. Garcelle said "Pardon, monsieur." Saturday, Mr. Garcelle again claimed sweet victory and again reminded of the impossibility of his supposed victory. Jokingly, or not, Saturday evening Mr. Garcelle held a press conference on his sportif victory. Confused sport writers looked on the Frenchman in total disbelief. Mr. Garcelle, officially won Monday night.
"After I saw them loose there really was no point in life, I'm just unequivocally angry," said Turkish design student, Mahmed Lentil.
Back in the U.S., coach, GM and starting QB for the Ponies, Pino, said it's just one game and while it hurts, I'm just thinking about next week.
"All coaches, regardless of status or game, have conditioned our brains to be able to think only about the upcoming game," he said. "It's physiologically impossible for me to think about or comment on anything beside the preparations for the next game."
"I would like to, really, but I've forgotten all the details all I can say is:"we'll put this behind us, go watch film, make the necessary changes during the week's practice and get ready for the next game."
Christie Z. (we believe the Z stands for Zebra) made several headlines this week. She argues the league has shown blatant sexism by paying her significantly less than the other coaches/GMs. "If something is not done quickly, I will sue the league for all its got!" Tis' true Mrs. Zebra makes $0 a year with no chance of bonuses.
Mrs. Zebra's claims raise concerns and the weekend edition of the newsletter will present an investigation into the league's sexist agenda. One could only imagine how it's like to be a woman in a man's Fantasy League. Mrs. Zebra has stated she has had to lower her voice by four octaves and stuff socks down her pants to feel as part of the team. Saddening stuff.
In other news, team Polo and and team Zebra are talking merger. Several owners have opposed the hypothetical merger, calling it a monopoly others say it's logically impossible. While the thought of Zebras wearing polos is an amusing one, the merger would create an Eastern powerhouse. Hence, tipping the scales of power and forcing the West to organize. Someone call Kissinger, this could get ugly. A summit is scheduled later this month, where the matter will hopefully be resolved.
Scandal Between the Hedges
The league is not only guilty of sexism but there are rumors of blackmail and corruption. An undercover informant tips that proud Miamian Teddy Sometheing or the other has blocked pending trades through bribes. The bribes include 50-inch plasma TVs, vintage pornos, rusty trombones, waterfront villas, and governmental appointments to the Senate and House of Representatives. This is not the first time Mr. Teddy has been caught in the midst of scandal and he is not remorseful. Some may even call him a career criminal. "I want AD and I will stop at nothing to get AD," Mr. Teddy said.
One could only assume his hostile campaign will not stop until all calendars are properly labeled with Anno Domini. Mr. Teddy has not commented as to why he eagerly wants to label calendars to Anno Domini and what connection it has to Fantasy Football. However, by fair presumption, Mr. Teddy's campaign is a strange one. He was probably much happier during B.C.E, when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
One of the victims caught in the crosshairs of Mr. Teddy's ambitions, Billy Salsy feels betrayed and depressed. The emotionally damaged owner said he has lost perspective on life and all trust in people. Mr. Salsy has taken a short vacation to piece together the broken menagerie that is his life. Records show he flew to St. Tropez with his adopted Kenyan boy and is expected back Friday.
In true French fashion, team Garcelle claimed an early victory Friday afternoon. After being reminded the games hadn't even started Mr. Garcelle said "Pardon, monsieur." Saturday, Mr. Garcelle again claimed sweet victory and again reminded of the impossibility of his supposed victory. Jokingly, or not, Saturday evening Mr. Garcelle held a press conference on his sportif victory. Confused sport writers looked on the Frenchman in total disbelief. Mr. Garcelle, officially won Monday night.
Progressive has been eye-raping me for quite some time. And my eyes are sick of it. They'll like to stop getting raped. While I was in class instead of thinking about facts and how to find them, I ventured onto bigger, badder (the late 90s type) issues. In a matter of minutes, I pinpointed the well of partisanship and hate that plagues our nation of late, Flo.
Ms. Flo is too much of a divisive figure. You either punch walls when you see her, as I do, or you find her amusing (god help you). However, I'd like to think people, at best, just like her. She's truly an unloveable women.
So, as we have it; the world is divided between those who hate Flo and those who feel she has the right to live.
A recent Pewter/Pino poll shows 80 percent of the nation would like for Flo and the department of advertising at Progressive Insurance to seize existing. 10 percent said they identified with her. 5 percent said huh, who the fuck be?! Flo (well, what can you expect insurance is not their forte) And the rest decided not to dignify the poll with an answer.
Overwhelmingly people want to see this horrible, banal excuse of a human gone.
And if you are asking yourself, "Oh, come on she's not that bad. Why are you so passionate about it?"
If you've watched the video and observed my aforementioned research/statements and still do not understand, I'd like to end all relations.
More importantly, if you want health-care reform, if you want better education, if you want candy; we must get rid of this flagship of partisanship. Unite. After all, the best way for a large group to get along is to find something in common to passionately hate. Flo wants to be our dartboard of hate. Otherwise, why would she have made so many terrible commercials?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sporting Events That Never Happened; Because Reality is a Pansy Part. 1
Oscar De la Hoya (That's fun to type!) Vs. Taco-Bell Chihuahua (R.I.P)
We'll never know who's the best Mexican. That's both a pity and an oxymoron. Still, the Taco-Bell Chihuahua has a region of Mexico named after it. Mexican folk lore says Chihuahuas are decedents of the Aztec warriors, Gallos Bravos, and once they knew their fight against guns and viruses was futile, used black magic to convert themselves into little adorable doggies. Yet, although cute and tasty, Chihuahuas have warrior like attitudes as a testament to their heritage. So, assumptive point to Taco-Bell Chihuahua.
Any two blind boxers.
OK so this has a stint of cruelness. But, the blind want to be treated as badly as everyone else. Shouldn't they be able to (try) punch each other silly? Last time I checked, around two hours ago, this was America! And in America, most notably North America, anyone should have the right kick anyone's ass, at any time, for whatever reason. I believe it's in the Constitution. Article 11. Clause: Arbitrarily Kicking Ass.
Let's fulfill our Constitutional duty and get two blind people to (try) box each other to a stupor. We'll bathe them with different odors (pigs blood, skunk, Indian body odor) and let them sniff their way into ass kicking. Nine rounds, no gloves, no dogs..wait. Yes, dogs! As a side spectacle their dogs can fight till' death. Just the sinister subplot to spicy up an already beyond cruel idea from the abysses of my brain. Naturally, Michael Vick will be scheduled as referee.
Nude Women Tennis.
Women tennis is just one ploy away from being soft-core porn. Already with so much moaning, groans and jumping if you add nudity to the sport you get some classy soft-core porn. I'm excited about this, let's make it happen. One caveat: No Williams sisters/brothers. I'm not sure if they are women but best not to find out.
Americans, especially my dimwitted Southern neighbors, love em' some NASCAR. I've tied to understand the sport but just found there is nothing to understand. What you see is what you get. I'm guessing they loved to play with toy cars so much as children the love never really died. And that is truly a rare act of innocence in a dirty world. Nonetheless, let's make it fun. Each race car will be strapped with explosives so that if you stop (or crash) the car is made into shit (KABOOM), like Speed. :-) Well, I know what you're thinking "This can't end well, Andy!" I know, and that's the point.
Coach's game in the NFL.
Fingerless bowling/yo-yo-ing.
Gladiators. Sure. Let's bring them back.
Anorexic Sumo Wrestling
If it's fun in Japan to watch two morbidly obese people push each other out of a circle, the opposite must hold true. It's called the reciprocal standard.
Another Japanese game idea, actually this is a challenge: can they pose for a picture and not make a peace-sign? I say no, it cannot be done. At some point in their history, I believe during the Samurai eras, the peace sign became part of their genealogy. To the point it's automatic once they detect a camera in their vicinity. Or, maybe it has something to do with getting bombed with an H-Bomb? Hmmmm, unlikely. Do you think Japanese people cringe at the mention of the words Manhattan and project? Remember, loyal readership there are no stupid questions, except probably the ones I've asked.
More to come in Part2. Feel free to add.
We'll never know who's the best Mexican. That's both a pity and an oxymoron. Still, the Taco-Bell Chihuahua has a region of Mexico named after it. Mexican folk lore says Chihuahuas are decedents of the Aztec warriors, Gallos Bravos, and once they knew their fight against guns and viruses was futile, used black magic to convert themselves into little adorable doggies. Yet, although cute and tasty, Chihuahuas have warrior like attitudes as a testament to their heritage. So, assumptive point to Taco-Bell Chihuahua.
Any two blind boxers.
OK so this has a stint of cruelness. But, the blind want to be treated as badly as everyone else. Shouldn't they be able to (try) punch each other silly? Last time I checked, around two hours ago, this was America! And in America, most notably North America, anyone should have the right kick anyone's ass, at any time, for whatever reason. I believe it's in the Constitution. Article 11. Clause: Arbitrarily Kicking Ass.
Let's fulfill our Constitutional duty and get two blind people to (try) box each other to a stupor. We'll bathe them with different odors (pigs blood, skunk, Indian body odor) and let them sniff their way into ass kicking. Nine rounds, no gloves, no dogs..wait. Yes, dogs! As a side spectacle their dogs can fight till' death. Just the sinister subplot to spicy up an already beyond cruel idea from the abysses of my brain. Naturally, Michael Vick will be scheduled as referee.
Nude Women Tennis.
Women tennis is just one ploy away from being soft-core porn. Already with so much moaning, groans and jumping if you add nudity to the sport you get some classy soft-core porn. I'm excited about this, let's make it happen. One caveat: No Williams sisters/brothers. I'm not sure if they are women but best not to find out.
Americans, especially my dimwitted Southern neighbors, love em' some NASCAR. I've tied to understand the sport but just found there is nothing to understand. What you see is what you get. I'm guessing they loved to play with toy cars so much as children the love never really died. And that is truly a rare act of innocence in a dirty world. Nonetheless, let's make it fun. Each race car will be strapped with explosives so that if you stop (or crash) the car is made into shit (KABOOM), like Speed. :-) Well, I know what you're thinking "This can't end well, Andy!" I know, and that's the point.
Coach's game in the NFL.
Fingerless bowling/yo-yo-ing.
Gladiators. Sure. Let's bring them back.
Anorexic Sumo Wrestling
If it's fun in Japan to watch two morbidly obese people push each other out of a circle, the opposite must hold true. It's called the reciprocal standard.
Another Japanese game idea, actually this is a challenge: can they pose for a picture and not make a peace-sign? I say no, it cannot be done. At some point in their history, I believe during the Samurai eras, the peace sign became part of their genealogy. To the point it's automatic once they detect a camera in their vicinity. Or, maybe it has something to do with getting bombed with an H-Bomb? Hmmmm, unlikely. Do you think Japanese people cringe at the mention of the words Manhattan and project? Remember, loyal readership there are no stupid questions, except probably the ones I've asked.
More to come in Part2. Feel free to add.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Weekly Roundup No. 1
This is the first (and probably last) installment of what is to be a weekly series of the top news, oddities and curiosities of the week. Poetically tagged as Weekly Roundup followed by a number.
Andy Borowitz began what is to be a long stream of "You Lie" jokes. Oh boy am I ready. Keep em coming. Here's another by the New Yorker Cartoon Lounge blog. A group of geniuses that blog on the most pertinent matters of today.
Tila Tequila got slapped or punched in the face by Shawn Marrion. Of course I remembered this after my Fantasy Draft and forgot to draft Marrion and Tila Tequila as defensive coordinator and cheerleader. And I've just received a transcript of a phone conversation Shawn Marrion and Chris Brown had shortly after the beating.
Chris Brown's cell phone rings thrice. Chris is serving out his parole in his hometown. He's napping while listening to Rhianna.
CB: ::yawn:: Hello, who this be?
SW: Chris! It's Shawn Marrion, oh Chris I'm pumped I've never been this full of life.
CB: ::completely awake::Wait, hold on, what's this number? What happened?!
SW: I'm in jail Chris. They gave me one phone call. It was between my lawyer or you. But I just had to tell you how right you were! Thank you man for enlightening me, showing me how to really live life. AHHH I'm fucking pumped yeeahhh:::slams phone into forehead several times:::
CB: Hold on dude, what'd you do?
SW: I slapped her Chris, slapped her nice and good. For no good reason too. You may have heard I'm dating famous MTV-whore Tila Tequila. Well, she was making pancakes right before I was goin to practice, I went up to her and smack.
CB: I told you!!!! I told you that shit is fun. Aint it better than sex?
SW: Yes and I was fucking a Doctor of Sex and it was still better!! You were right.
CB: Not one day goes by where I wished I would've slapped Rihanna some mo.
SW: Oh I feel you bro. I wished I would've done this better. No wonder these wife-beaters keep on doing it, just livin the dream. And I was thinking the women stay around so they must like it too!! Win-win baby.
CB: Who's the man?! say it Who's the man?!
SW: Oh you the man baby, you is.
Guard is heard saying time is up to SW
SW: Yo, Chris these fuckheads tryin to take the phone.
CB: Hey call me up when you get out we can go on a slappin spree.
SW: Oh fo sho!!
In the background: SW, "Oh you want the phone, I'll tackle yo ass, come here I ma sack you shitless.
Click.
These were just too good not to share:
This section of the Roundup "Signs of the Apocalypse," included these stories.
Women tracks down son she gave up for adoption and like any loving parents shows her love by the best way of showing said emotion, fucking him.
This kind of reverse Oedipus complex will have psychologist at work for years. Freud is probably turning in his grave having missed this case. This poor boy will cringe every time the "who was your first?" conversations comes up.
And this week winner of Fantastic Douchebag....
Glen Beck. And boy does he deserve it. You can YouTube Glen Beck idiot and spend a-many hours having fun. This is the latest stint of idiocy from Beck. BUT, what's worst is Nielsen ratings report he has the No.1 selling non-fiction book. I hope people are just buying in bulk to burn it during winter. It's scary to think such a magnificent idiot has influence.
Beck makes me want to commit suicide by KFC Double Down...(I can write a whole thesis on the gastronomical monster that is the Double Down. Atkins would've liked it.
Andy Borowitz began what is to be a long stream of "You Lie" jokes. Oh boy am I ready. Keep em coming. Here's another by the New Yorker Cartoon Lounge blog. A group of geniuses that blog on the most pertinent matters of today.
Tila Tequila got slapped or punched in the face by Shawn Marrion. Of course I remembered this after my Fantasy Draft and forgot to draft Marrion and Tila Tequila as defensive coordinator and cheerleader. And I've just received a transcript of a phone conversation Shawn Marrion and Chris Brown had shortly after the beating.
Chris Brown's cell phone rings thrice. Chris is serving out his parole in his hometown. He's napping while listening to Rhianna.
CB: ::yawn:: Hello, who this be?
SW: Chris! It's Shawn Marrion, oh Chris I'm pumped I've never been this full of life.
CB: ::completely awake::Wait, hold on, what's this number? What happened?!
SW: I'm in jail Chris. They gave me one phone call. It was between my lawyer or you. But I just had to tell you how right you were! Thank you man for enlightening me, showing me how to really live life. AHHH I'm fucking pumped yeeahhh:::slams phone into forehead several times:::
CB: Hold on dude, what'd you do?
SW: I slapped her Chris, slapped her nice and good. For no good reason too. You may have heard I'm dating famous MTV-whore Tila Tequila. Well, she was making pancakes right before I was goin to practice, I went up to her and smack.
CB: I told you!!!! I told you that shit is fun. Aint it better than sex?
SW: Yes and I was fucking a Doctor of Sex and it was still better!! You were right.
CB: Not one day goes by where I wished I would've slapped Rihanna some mo.
SW: Oh I feel you bro. I wished I would've done this better. No wonder these wife-beaters keep on doing it, just livin the dream. And I was thinking the women stay around so they must like it too!! Win-win baby.
CB: Who's the man?! say it Who's the man?!
SW: Oh you the man baby, you is.
Guard is heard saying time is up to SW
SW: Yo, Chris these fuckheads tryin to take the phone.
CB: Hey call me up when you get out we can go on a slappin spree.
SW: Oh fo sho!!
In the background: SW, "Oh you want the phone, I'll tackle yo ass, come here I ma sack you shitless.
Click.
These were just too good not to share:
This section of the Roundup "Signs of the Apocalypse," included these stories.
Women tracks down son she gave up for adoption and like any loving parents shows her love by the best way of showing said emotion, fucking him.
This kind of reverse Oedipus complex will have psychologist at work for years. Freud is probably turning in his grave having missed this case. This poor boy will cringe every time the "who was your first?" conversations comes up.
And this week winner of Fantastic Douchebag....
Glen Beck. And boy does he deserve it. You can YouTube Glen Beck idiot and spend a-many hours having fun. This is the latest stint of idiocy from Beck. BUT, what's worst is Nielsen ratings report he has the No.1 selling non-fiction book. I hope people are just buying in bulk to burn it during winter. It's scary to think such a magnificent idiot has influence.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Beck makes me want to commit suicide by KFC Double Down...(I can write a whole thesis on the gastronomical monster that is the Double Down. Atkins would've liked it.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Blog No. 145
Numerologist claim 145 to be the luckiest, best number. Some say it holds magical powers. So consider any writing in the confines of this post to be magical. And like magic and religion I'll free write and hope for people thousand years from now to uncover this blog from the then-archaic Internet. So tune in, drop out and dig:
Shockjocks like Michael Savage, whose real surname is Wiener, Limbaugh the other fucker from Fox are millionaires by blank minded wack jobs.
Strippers and prostitutes have one up on your average party girl. They at least get compensated for their soulless romps.
Is Michael Vick banned from zoos? Is Philadelphia going to erect a statue of Vick holding pitbulls in a leach? Maybe by the Rocky statue.
Who came first Sylvester Stallone the actor or Sylvester the cat?
The sun can't be trusted. And probably should be executed.
A study shows drinking large amounts of coffee can produce hallucinations and/or hear voices. As a consumer of large amounts of coffee I'm beginning to question the most trivial things. Is this computer real? Am I really typing? Have I created a fantasy world complete with family, friends and pets?! My dear Jasmine she's not real just a coffee induced hallucination! Damn you coffee. Delicious java devil. The bean that turns you into a loony bin. Well I always knew it'd be coffee or caring too much who'd drive me into insanity.
Shockjocks like Michael Savage, whose real surname is Wiener, Limbaugh the other fucker from Fox are millionaires by blank minded wack jobs.
Strippers and prostitutes have one up on your average party girl. They at least get compensated for their soulless romps.
Is Michael Vick banned from zoos? Is Philadelphia going to erect a statue of Vick holding pitbulls in a leach? Maybe by the Rocky statue.
Who came first Sylvester Stallone the actor or Sylvester the cat?
The sun can't be trusted. And probably should be executed.
A study shows drinking large amounts of coffee can produce hallucinations and/or hear voices. As a consumer of large amounts of coffee I'm beginning to question the most trivial things. Is this computer real? Am I really typing? Have I created a fantasy world complete with family, friends and pets?! My dear Jasmine she's not real just a coffee induced hallucination! Damn you coffee. Delicious java devil. The bean that turns you into a loony bin. Well I always knew it'd be coffee or caring too much who'd drive me into insanity.
Slumber Party: Jimbo's Gone...to Bed.
This is the beginning of a long series of, what I hope to be a proper recollection and analysis, from the weekend slumber party with Jimbo.
Consider this the preface.
Let me just get this out of the way; a man anticipates the most significant parts of his life, I think these will be mine in order of importance 1)Slumber party with Jimmy 2) The inevitable merger of Cheaters and To Catch a Predator, thus conquering world wide ratings 3) The Death of Glen Beck, Bill O' the Clown, every shock jock 4) Eat an Ostrich egg 5) Marry into Royalty 6) And brooding a family 7) Meeting a messiah. I'm not going to get picky, although the VIMs such as Jesus of Nazareth and Mohammed of the Middle East would be better. It'll make for a great ice-breaker there on end. Or as a handy one liner as an interesting note when presenting myself to others. 8) Nail Miley Cyrus before she gets any older.
Twilight.
Twilight was creeping in. It was the first day some people, whom I call friends, were staying for the weekend. It was about some game or a march, who knows why they stayed. Actually, yeah, I'm positive it was a march for horse-egg treatment awareness.
They were not aware of this but I was doing calculations as I pretended to take part in the conversations as I often do. My arithmetic had resolved there was a 70% percent chance Jimmy would sleep in my room.
I began to mentally prepare myself the only way a logical, intellectual would. I drank heavily. I tried to reach numbness but failed. My sense of touch was intact and I was worried.
Then, Jimmy asked to sleep in my chambers. The most sobering statement I could've heard at the moment or any moment really. "Yes," I said.
In my bedroom, Jimbo sleeps tonight
The first night, Jimmy slept in the floor but he was ever present in the bed. I felt bad. My bed is big enough and Jimbo is not a young man so it made sense for us to share the bed the next night. I offered, he accepted. "Yeaahh, yeaah thanks Andy yeeah brother yeaaah that's all right."
The evening was really spectacular. Several "first" were broken. E.g., I had never shared a bed with a man over 50. Actually I had never shared a bed with any man excluding sleep overs when I was 13.
I explored new sounds my ear drums didn't know what to do with. The mix-match of sounds coming from Jimmy has my ears so confused I began to question my ability to listen. Phenomenal phenomenon.
The Jennifer Lopez classic, The Cell, came to mind. If one could see into Jimmy's brain during sleep it'd probably be a combination of Alice In Wonderland, a strip cub, special appearance by Duff Man in a football field. At least that's how it sounded like.
The long moans worried me in several levels. a) he could be having a dream about an especially pleasing piss b) he's pissing on the bed c) he's showing off his sexual prowess.
I really hoped for a).
Consider this the preface.
Let me just get this out of the way; a man anticipates the most significant parts of his life, I think these will be mine in order of importance 1)Slumber party with Jimmy 2) The inevitable merger of Cheaters and To Catch a Predator, thus conquering world wide ratings 3) The Death of Glen Beck, Bill O' the Clown, every shock jock 4) Eat an Ostrich egg 5) Marry into Royalty 6) And brooding a family 7) Meeting a messiah. I'm not going to get picky, although the VIMs such as Jesus of Nazareth and Mohammed of the Middle East would be better. It'll make for a great ice-breaker there on end. Or as a handy one liner as an interesting note when presenting myself to others. 8) Nail Miley Cyrus before she gets any older.
Twilight.
Twilight was creeping in. It was the first day some people, whom I call friends, were staying for the weekend. It was about some game or a march, who knows why they stayed. Actually, yeah, I'm positive it was a march for horse-egg treatment awareness.
They were not aware of this but I was doing calculations as I pretended to take part in the conversations as I often do. My arithmetic had resolved there was a 70% percent chance Jimmy would sleep in my room.
I began to mentally prepare myself the only way a logical, intellectual would. I drank heavily. I tried to reach numbness but failed. My sense of touch was intact and I was worried.
Then, Jimmy asked to sleep in my chambers. The most sobering statement I could've heard at the moment or any moment really. "Yes," I said.
In my bedroom, Jimbo sleeps tonight
The first night, Jimmy slept in the floor but he was ever present in the bed. I felt bad. My bed is big enough and Jimbo is not a young man so it made sense for us to share the bed the next night. I offered, he accepted. "Yeaahh, yeaah thanks Andy yeeah brother yeaaah that's all right."
The evening was really spectacular. Several "first" were broken. E.g., I had never shared a bed with a man over 50. Actually I had never shared a bed with any man excluding sleep overs when I was 13.
I explored new sounds my ear drums didn't know what to do with. The mix-match of sounds coming from Jimmy has my ears so confused I began to question my ability to listen. Phenomenal phenomenon.
The Jennifer Lopez classic, The Cell, came to mind. If one could see into Jimmy's brain during sleep it'd probably be a combination of Alice In Wonderland, a strip cub, special appearance by Duff Man in a football field. At least that's how it sounded like.
The long moans worried me in several levels. a) he could be having a dream about an especially pleasing piss b) he's pissing on the bed c) he's showing off his sexual prowess.
I really hoped for a).
Saturday, September 5, 2009
PES Dick sucking marathon
Teddy has the ball, with messi doing his usual sprint and hope for the best routine. He has the same bland expression he would doing naything else. Jimbo looks more exicted. Mike looks like he needs a home. Maybe a kid from one of those Christian founation commercials where the old guy comes out and ask for 25 cents a month. I might just give it to him. Teddy sucked in air very much like he sucks his daily cocks. Silence...There is no change in strategy either Tevez or Messi possess the ball for the enitrety of the game. Jimbo is falling asleep while sitting. Jimmy admitted to bringing a gun with him. We are all genuinely scared. I think Michael is an alien. Not sure but I;m pretty sure. And Teddy too. His motions, language and customs are clearly not human. Penalty for Teddy what a surprise. I'm sure he presses a button. It's past speculation.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Super Fun Labor Weekend Schedule (changes pending)
Saturday: Early Evening
- Welcome reception. Fruits and cold drinks weill be served.
- Meet and Greek. wink, wink, Bring your togas it might get philosophical in this bitch.
Sunday: Morning
-5 a.m. Wake up to the moon dance with Yogi-Master Andy Pino.
-6 a.m. cook breakfast for Yogi-Master Andy Pino
-Wait til' the master wakes up....
-11 a.m. arts and crafts. Learn how to knit a wool sweater. Skin your own sheep! Wow!!
11:30 a.m. Latin course; hone your skills.
Noon: Teach Michael a skill for employment hour.
1:00 p.m. Find the nickle in Teddy's lardie folds. 2 hours.
3:00 p.m. "That Fucking Whoooreeee!" Seminar with Dr. Jimbo. Learn the art of oration.
4:00 p.m. TCAP contest: Who will court the most 12-year-old girls under an hour?
- Welcome reception. Fruits and cold drinks weill be served.
- Meet and Greek. wink, wink, Bring your togas it might get philosophical in this bitch.
Sunday: Morning
-5 a.m. Wake up to the moon dance with Yogi-Master Andy Pino.
-6 a.m. cook breakfast for Yogi-Master Andy Pino
-Wait til' the master wakes up....
-11 a.m. arts and crafts. Learn how to knit a wool sweater. Skin your own sheep! Wow!!
11:30 a.m. Latin course; hone your skills.
Noon: Teach Michael a skill for employment hour.
1:00 p.m. Find the nickle in Teddy's lardie folds. 2 hours.
3:00 p.m. "That Fucking Whoooreeee!" Seminar with Dr. Jimbo. Learn the art of oration.
4:00 p.m. TCAP contest: Who will court the most 12-year-old girls under an hour?
The Forbidden Fruit Must Be Tasted
Dangling low from a branch--(as wind rustles through your dress)
Within arm's reach, you seem easy to hold
lo, behold my woe:
ever shifting form and place
all the more desirable
passionate fruit bearing an angelic face
the sands trickle on- and I wonder
when will you ripened?
will the wind do my bidding?
Still I reach and come up empty handed.
Within arm's reach, you seem easy to hold
lo, behold my woe:
ever shifting form and place
all the more desirable
passionate fruit bearing an angelic face
the sands trickle on- and I wonder
when will you ripened?
will the wind do my bidding?
Still I reach and come up empty handed.
Google University
Google labs has generated so many gadgets worthy of hours of manically toying with it's not far from beginning a university. Probably not, but who knows. However, staying in the same omnipotent-Google cloud, shouldn't the future of education be less memorization of facts, history, math, etc., and more know how on practical usage of the ample information that's easily a click away. For our children the Internet will be as common as a bicycle. It's seems that way now but there are still the under privileged, unconnected areas (Mid-West, probably Alabama), anti-techies, and so on. Ten years from now at the slight-speed pace the tech world moves, imagine how connected we will be. Like it or not. I tended to side with "where is the line drawn?" crowd in the Internet connectivity debate. But, evidently the Internet won out. The world shifts and we can hop on board or be left behind. Education should be one of society's first sectors to hop on. Historically, the higher the education the better off you were financially and socially, generally speaking. Still, it was not, and still but to a lesser extent, available to all. A wall had to be broken albeit hard-work, money or prestige to achieve higher levels of education. The Internet is quickly hammering these wall down. If I go on iTunes Podcast I can listen to luminaries from around the world speaking on economics, chemistry, politics, literature, etc. Top universities such as MIT broadcast lectures some bright kids are paying a fine salary for. Educational Web sites, trusty blog are a dime a dozen. Essentially we are paying thousands of dollars for a certificate of acknowledgement and wasting time.
The Internet could be a solution instead of a supplement to education. If all is soon to be online and all to be connected wirelessly the "human element" for higher education will not be needed.
The Internet could be a solution instead of a supplement to education. If all is soon to be online and all to be connected wirelessly the "human element" for higher education will not be needed.
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